How To Feel

I am currently reading a book about Sociopaths, written from the perspective of a diagnosed, high-functioning Sociopath. 'High-functioning' here means well integrated and non-violent.

Sociopath (noun) is defined as "a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviour and a lack of conscience."

What has struck me most about this book is the romantic notion of living without feeling. Of excelling in life because you are unaware of or uncaring about others. I find this fascinating, and almost desirable.
Sociopaths are a rare and select subset of people that go through life lacking empathy and free of emotions. Whether that is good or bad is open for interpretation. An even smaller group within that population become violent as a result of their disregard for other's feelings. They are either unaware of how their crimes will affect others, or they are conscious of their actions and choose not to care. These people are the exception, not the norm.

Either way, I have found that we, the greater majority of empaths, find a certain fascination in people that can seemingly turn their emotions off. 'Wouldn't that be nice?', we think, 'Wouldn't life be easier?'

We like to tell each other how to feel.

We with emotions go through life thinking that the best way to deal with our emotions is to ignore them. When someone is upset we say “there, there” and pat them on the back, assuring them that the moment will pass. The nauseating sadness is just a speed bump in the road, and if we keep driving without slowing down we’ll launch over it with ease and leave it in our wake.

We think that honesty is something to fear and that showing you care is a sign of weakness. We think that if we put others before ourselves we will never get ahead. That's why we romanticise the notion of controlling our own emotions to the point where we do not feel at all.
And why wouldn’t we think this way? Movies show us, the media tells us, and our friends reassure us that sadness of any kind is something to rise above, not to be indulged, and not to be dwelled on.

I think we’re wrong.

I think that our emotions are our most honest expressions of ourselves. We can kid ourselves and train ourselves and keep ourselves busy but as soon as we stop to catch our breath, whatever feelings catch up with you as you lie awake in bed at night, that’s who we are. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
We should not have to apologise for how we feel. We should not believe that hope is naïve and pain is disgraceful.

We feel what we feel because that is how we survive.
Without fear we would not know when to run from danger. Without passion we would not know excitement. Without happiness we would have no purpose. And without pain we would not understand the blissful feeling of finally being content.

If we were more honest with ourselves we may not move on from sadness as quickly but once we do we will have overcome, not just masked, the pain that snuck into our minds and our hearts. If we were more honest with each other we would not hurt the people we once cared about or mislead people that we are only just getting to know. If we were more honest we would embrace our sadness, not hide from it.

Truth is not always neat and satisfying. Truth is grim and painful but it is more productive than a façade. We the modern age have perfected the façade. Given the choice between empathy and sociopathy I would choose the more painful route. It's what makes me who I am.
What would you choose?