Thoughts on a stormy day

It’s a stormy day today. I slept late and woke up to the sound of the wind chimes outside my bedroom window. The wind had caught them and agitated them and they were calling out for help. As I went outside to relieve the wind chimes from their unwanted energy one of the large plants on my balcony caught the wind as well and blew right over. It’s lying on the floor now, resting on its side like me in my bed.

It’s a stormy day today. I just tried to write a poem and all that came out was
‘the storm clouds in my head have crawled into the sky,
now the world and I can see eye to eye’.
I can’t seem to turn my thoughts off. I often think too much.

It’s a stormy day today. I’ve found that recently I haven’t been writing anything I find worthwhile. I wrote one poem I like last week, and six that I don’t. I started a blog post yesterday but never finished it. I can’t condense my stormy thoughts to coherent rhythmic words on a page. This is the best I can do.

It’s a stormy day today and I’m worried. I’m worried that the rain will dampen the clothes I’ve put out to dry. I’m worried the sky will stay so dark I’ll need to turn on the lights before the sun even sets. I’m worried I don’t know what to pack. I’m worried about going back to Italy (mostly excited, but worried too.) I’m worried about my future.

It’s a stormy day today, but it may not be tomorrow. I have no way of knowing if it will be stormy tomorrow; either in my head or in the skies. I can only hope for sunshine. I need to learn that I can’t control the future. I can make decisions- hopefully the right decisions- that will determine certain things. But I can’t know what will happen before it happens. I can’t know what to do before I do it. I can’t hop in a time machine and turn the dial to five months from now or five years from now and prove to myself that everything will be ok. Maybe it won’t, maybe nothing will be ok. Maybe nothing will be as I expect. But maybe, just maybe it will. Maybe my dreams will come true and my worries will prove to be pointless. Maybe five months from now I will be the happiest I have ever been. I can only hope for sunshine.