Thoughts from Places: College

It is a strange sensation to feel so old, yet so childish.
I am aware that I am one year the senior of the vast majority of my fellow freshmen, yet I find myself equally nervous, equally excited, equally flustered in these our first weeks of the first year of college.

I felt like my five-year-old self again waving goodbye to my father on my first day of school when a matter of days ago I waved goodbye to him outside of my dorm as he left to return home.
I felt older than everyone in the room when I attended my first college party and every other person was a freshman already drunk off life from the excitement of the freedom they have not until this point in their lives experienced.
I felt like a youngster braving my first sleepover (which was no easy feat for me) when I slept in my dorm room for the first time.
I felt old when I had to explain to everyone in my classes that yes, I am a freshman but no, I am not straight out of high school.
I felt like a happy pre-teen with her first cell phone happily texting all my friends when I got my first American phone, yet I felt peculiarly like a responsible adult when I got my first phone bill and proceeded to pay it on my own, sans parental help.

I already have a pile of schoolbooks towering over me as I write, threatening to topple over at any time. I already have homework as of yet unfinished though I have only had half a week of classes.
I have already suffered through and survived my first frozen dinner because I am already tired of the cafeteria food though I have only been eating here for two weeks.
I have already done laundry.
I do not yet have a regular routine of sleep, work and play. I am not yet overwhelmed or over worked, though I know it is all to come.
I enjoy these 'already’s' and 'not yet’s'. I enjoy the unfolding of this college experience, because I could either be scared and unhappy or I can embrace it and know that every other person here feels the same way I do.

College so far is a conflict between my mature self, braving this responsible new life alone and my childish self, still easily excited by and happy because of everything around me. I hope that does not change. I hope college life continues to excite and terrify me at times. I hope I ride the highs and brave the challenges and learn from it all. I hope I come away from this semester and this year ready for more, because I have found in life more always comes! And more often than not, it is for the best.