There are some people in this world that feel the need to comment on life, like a sports commentator that took a wrong turn, missed the field and ended up sitting in the seat right behind me in the cinema. I recently saw A-Team for the third time in two weeks, but this was certainly my most interactive viewing yet. Do you know those people in the theatre who sometimes forget the movie is just a movie? They end up commenting on everything on screen as if they were there too, living through the action. Trouble is, I know that if they actually were there they would get themselves (and probably all the big movie stars) killed. As fun as that would be to watch it would cut the movie very short and I don't know if I am willing to pay money to watch a 20 minute movie.
I got into the cinema early this time and picked a seat right in the middle. As the 'coming soon' trailers started three men walked in and sat in the seats right behind me, my sister, and my good friend. I didn't get a good look at two of them but the one sitting just behind me to my left (the only one I could see when I looked over my shoulder) was short, overweight, and wearing a black skull cap with Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas printed on the front. For anyone who has not seen The Nightmare Before Christmas (some of Tim Burton's finest work if I do say so myself) it is not something that grown men walk around donned in related paraphernalia.
As soon as the lights dimmed my Nightmare Before Christmas friend behind me (let's call him Jack) declared to the darkening room "Oh de light goin’ down, try not to touch me"… Right Jack, because that was on the top of my to do list. He then felt the need to read out every word that flashed across the screen. Now Jack, I may not be a 30 year old deadbeat parading around in the accessories of a 12-year-old boy, but I assure you I can read.
In this particular movie there was a catch phrase of sorts that the lead characters have coined: "Alpha Mike Foxtrot". Jack boy was very proud of himself because after the first two times they said it he figured out what it meant and liked to recite it as they said it in the movie. Jack, I am sorry to be the one to tell you this but those men are fictional characters. They are not real. They are not your friends.
Speaking of friends, half an hour into the film Jack's friend (sitting directly behind me) thought it best to answer his phone. He proceeded to have a conversation with who I can only assume was his mother about coming home for dinner and cleaning his room. I kid you not, this man was pushing 30… Way to grow up my friend.
Needless to say, the person in the film that these 3 men most identified with was the mentally unstable pilot with a death wish. Surprise surprise.
These men really made this an interactive experience. They had something to say at every point in the movie. I will now share with you their repeated opinions:
On Murdock the crazy pilot "Murdock is a real G!" I know that G is supposed to represent gangster but I cannot wrap my head around how being a 'functional lunatic' makes you a gangster so I will try some alternatives. Great? No, 'a real great' is just grammatically incorrect. Good man? Well he was responsible for many explosive deaths in that movie so he is not good in the general definition of the word. The best I could come up with is "Murdock is a real giraffe.” He was a relatively tall man? I don’t know, I do my best.
On the backstabbing evil CIA agent "This man is a real noob!" You think that the man who betrayed everyone close to him and plotted and executed many murders is a noob? Thanks, I can sleep well at night. Need I remind you, Jack, that you are wearing an animated skeleton's face on your head?
Their views on BA, the replacement character for Mr T however were undoubtedly their best. See, for some reason, all three of them got it into their collectively small heads that they would be a better Mr T than the hired actor. All they seemed to have to say whenever the token black guy was on screen was "I pity the fool!" My friends I am sure he pities you.
That being said, I feel the need to mention my sister, maybe because the crazy man was also her favourite or maybe because she is what I like to call 'an interactive TV watcher'. Now, I have a very special place in my heart for my dear sister but some of her quirks are just so fun to mock. When I am watching a TV series with her sometimes I find it hard to keep my eyes on the screen. I guarantee if you sat facing my sister with your back to a TV screen while she was watching one of her favourite series you would know everything that was happening. She is loud, she is fidgety and she is very emotional. Hey, at least she didn't cry when Bambi's mom died.
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