It is a curious experience to return to a place you know well that feels as though it no longer knows you. Having been away from home for over a year, and being so changed and happy from my time away this is a bittersweet return.
It is as if my house from the time I was five years old now feels more like a museum than a home. I walk the halls recalling memories that no longer feel like my own, seeing belongings that have now become relics.
It’s the seeing people that you knew for so long and recognising faces that are attached to stories the way they are attached to their bodies. When these faces recognise you, but no longer know you. You do not share a life anymore, but lead different lives in different places connected only by this place, a weak cable binding you together.
It is the driving the streets you always knew, now under a new traffic plan and getting lost in a place you know like the back of your hand.
It’s eating local food you love from a restaurant you had never been to and feeling nostalgic for things you are experiencing in that moment. It is a strange sensation to feel homesick while you are home because you were lucky enough to find a new home in your time away.
There is something peculiar about falling back into old routines as a new person.
Above all it is the seeing friends so dear to you that is seems as if no time has passed and the year apart was just a dream that never happened, but all the while knowing that you are better because of that year and not willing to let it go. It’s the overlap of new memories precariously perched on top of old memories, and making new memories with old friends.
Then, all of a sudden, it takes you by surprise. It’s realizing that high school is over and everything that upset you about this place in the past is behind you. It’s realising that happiness is not limited to one place but follows you wherever you allow it. It’s finding new friends in old acquaintances and enjoying yourself more in the two-week return than in the four years you lived there. It’s the reluctance to leave after you had been so reluctant to return in the first place.
At the end of the day it’s the smallest things that stick out. Not my high school graduation or my first relationship, not learning to drive or overcoming the struggles that seemed so great at the time but now are so insignificant. It’s the jokes I found so funny I laughed until I cried, it’s the mundane tasks I had to complete, it’s the simple times that were happy times. And it’s the new memories made.
At the end of the day it’s the people that make me happy, the people that I cherish, the people I will always remember.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Flying
There is something soothing about flying.
Once the stress of juggling your bags and clearing security pass and the plane takes off there’s something very soothing about it. I love sitting by the window and watching the world pass me by below, all my sadness and my fears miles below me anchored to the earth I am soaring above.
Once the baby a couple aisles away stops crying and the air hostesses stop all their fussing I feel perfectly at ease. Just sad enough from the goodbyes I have just wiped my eyes from and just weary enough of whatever new experience may be waiting for me once I land.
But between take off and landing there is something so soothing about flying. When the plane enters a cloud and the world around you disappears into the white fluffy essence of childhood dreams.
Yes, I find there is something quite soothing about flying.
Once the stress of juggling your bags and clearing security pass and the plane takes off there’s something very soothing about it. I love sitting by the window and watching the world pass me by below, all my sadness and my fears miles below me anchored to the earth I am soaring above.
Once the baby a couple aisles away stops crying and the air hostesses stop all their fussing I feel perfectly at ease. Just sad enough from the goodbyes I have just wiped my eyes from and just weary enough of whatever new experience may be waiting for me once I land.
But between take off and landing there is something so soothing about flying. When the plane enters a cloud and the world around you disappears into the white fluffy essence of childhood dreams.
Yes, I find there is something quite soothing about flying.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The Island of Aphrodite
Cyprus is sometimes known as the island of Aphrodite. According to legend Aphrodite was born from the sea foam off the coast of Paphos in the south of Cyprus. I knew this legend long before I ever stepped foot on the island; I knew that Cyprus is the ‘island of love’. But I never expected to come to Cyprus and fall in love.
I love the island. I love the mountains, a cool and green escape in the dry heat of summer. I love the beaches, some nicer than even those on the Caribbean island I am from. I love the landscape, dry and bare in most parts, yet very beautiful in its minimalism.
I love the nightlife. From the repetitive club I frequented in Nicosia to the dangerously exciting nights in Ayia Napa: party capital of Cyprus.
I love the cultures. I love the history. From the time of the Venetian rule to current events still being disputed today. I love learning about Cyprus because I love Cyprus.
I love my mother’s apartment; so eclectically decorated and welcoming that it felt like home from the first night I spent there. I love my mother’s new apartment a stone’s throw away from the one I already call home, but bigger and full of promise.
Above all, I love my friends.
People who I have known for two years, some for one year and some only for six months but all who seem like I have known them for my whole life. I have shared the most amazing year of my life with these people and I will never forget them.
I love the girl who will leave a party on New Years Eve to get headache tablets for my sister, and the girl I knew for 3 months before I went to stay with her in London, and the girl who would walk to my apartment at 4am because she can. I love the friend who introduced me to all my other friends, and the friend who turns up at my house with a guitar to jam in the middle of the night, and the friend that always takes a joke too far, and the friend who loves the Jetsons, and the boy that made it that much harder to say goodbye.
I didn’t expect to come to Cyprus and fall in love, but I fell in love with the island itself. I love the island of love like a home now.
Goodbye for now Cyprus, you will be missed.
I love the island. I love the mountains, a cool and green escape in the dry heat of summer. I love the beaches, some nicer than even those on the Caribbean island I am from. I love the landscape, dry and bare in most parts, yet very beautiful in its minimalism.
I love the nightlife. From the repetitive club I frequented in Nicosia to the dangerously exciting nights in Ayia Napa: party capital of Cyprus.
I love the cultures. I love the history. From the time of the Venetian rule to current events still being disputed today. I love learning about Cyprus because I love Cyprus.
I love my mother’s apartment; so eclectically decorated and welcoming that it felt like home from the first night I spent there. I love my mother’s new apartment a stone’s throw away from the one I already call home, but bigger and full of promise.
Above all, I love my friends.
People who I have known for two years, some for one year and some only for six months but all who seem like I have known them for my whole life. I have shared the most amazing year of my life with these people and I will never forget them.
I love the girl who will leave a party on New Years Eve to get headache tablets for my sister, and the girl I knew for 3 months before I went to stay with her in London, and the girl who would walk to my apartment at 4am because she can. I love the friend who introduced me to all my other friends, and the friend who turns up at my house with a guitar to jam in the middle of the night, and the friend that always takes a joke too far, and the friend who loves the Jetsons, and the boy that made it that much harder to say goodbye.
I didn’t expect to come to Cyprus and fall in love, but I fell in love with the island itself. I love the island of love like a home now.
Goodbye for now Cyprus, you will be missed.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Goodbye
I have become quite accustomed to goodbyes in my time, but being accustomed to something does not make it any easier. When I was younger I was accustomed to suffering from frequent asthma attacks but that did not make the incapacitating loss of breath fun in any way. As used to them as I am, I still hate goodbyes.
The word itself implies that it is something positive. ‘Good’ bye gives the impression that it is something good. As in “It was nice to see you but I’m happy this time is coming to an end because I know our parting will make me happy.” Saying goodbye to a person or a place has never made me happy. By my definition a goodbye is always something sad, something no one looks forward to, but also something that is inevitable.
In my life I have said six very hard, very painful goodbyes. Each time I’ve moved to a new country I have had to say goodbye to the people and the places I love before my fresh start in a new place with new people. Saying goodbye is hardest when you don’t know for sure when next you will see those people and be able to say hello again. I’ve found, however, that it is never as permanent as you think.
Goodbye, as hard as it is to say, is never final. If you care enough and try enough and want to enough you will see those people again. If someone means enough to you it doesn’t matter how far apart you may be or how long you go without seeing each other. Friends forever is not just a cheesy title, it is a promise. I have gone three or more years without seeing friends that, when reunited, feel as if we were never apart at all. I have gone over a year now without seeing my two closest friends but I still talk to them all the time. With facebook and skype and cell phones and email goodbye is only as final as you allow it to be.
I have also found that every painful goodbye leads to a timid hello. I said goodbye to Trinidad to say hello to Holland. I said goodbye to Italy to say hello to Cyprus. I’m saying goodbye to Cyprus to say hello to Boston. Each time you say goodbye you are moving on to something else. Like that cliché saying goes: when one door closes another opens. If you allow yourself you will discover a new place and make new friends. A goodbye is just a hello waiting to happen; hello to the new experiences you are destined to have and hello again to the people you will inevitably be reunited with in the future.
As The Beatles so melodiously put it, “You say goodbye and I say hello. Hello hello.”
The word itself implies that it is something positive. ‘Good’ bye gives the impression that it is something good. As in “It was nice to see you but I’m happy this time is coming to an end because I know our parting will make me happy.” Saying goodbye to a person or a place has never made me happy. By my definition a goodbye is always something sad, something no one looks forward to, but also something that is inevitable.
In my life I have said six very hard, very painful goodbyes. Each time I’ve moved to a new country I have had to say goodbye to the people and the places I love before my fresh start in a new place with new people. Saying goodbye is hardest when you don’t know for sure when next you will see those people and be able to say hello again. I’ve found, however, that it is never as permanent as you think.
Goodbye, as hard as it is to say, is never final. If you care enough and try enough and want to enough you will see those people again. If someone means enough to you it doesn’t matter how far apart you may be or how long you go without seeing each other. Friends forever is not just a cheesy title, it is a promise. I have gone three or more years without seeing friends that, when reunited, feel as if we were never apart at all. I have gone over a year now without seeing my two closest friends but I still talk to them all the time. With facebook and skype and cell phones and email goodbye is only as final as you allow it to be.
I have also found that every painful goodbye leads to a timid hello. I said goodbye to Trinidad to say hello to Holland. I said goodbye to Italy to say hello to Cyprus. I’m saying goodbye to Cyprus to say hello to Boston. Each time you say goodbye you are moving on to something else. Like that cliché saying goes: when one door closes another opens. If you allow yourself you will discover a new place and make new friends. A goodbye is just a hello waiting to happen; hello to the new experiences you are destined to have and hello again to the people you will inevitably be reunited with in the future.
As The Beatles so melodiously put it, “You say goodbye and I say hello. Hello hello.”
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sweet, sweet T&T.
I am from Trinidad and Tobago. I was born and lived there until I was nine years old, and again from fourteen until eighteen. I have never, however, identified with it as much as my parents would like. I do not freely call it my home.
That being said I have never been ashamed of the beautiful twin island nation… until now.
Recently I heard the heartbreaking news that a man by the name of Jack Warner was made Minister of National Security of our already corrupt and crime-ridden country. Jack Warner, once the Vice President of the worldwide football federation FIFA, was publicly suspended from the club for charges of alleged corruption and bribery in 2011. As such Warner resigned from FIFA before the investigation could be completed and “presumption of innocence is maintained”. Following this the current government of Trinidad and Tobago did not see any problem in appointing him Minister of National Security one year later. I, for one, do not feel safe.
This week I sat through a video 37 minutes long of a speech made by a woman by the name of Therese Baptiste-Cornelis. It took me three days to be able to watch the video in its entirety. This woman is our newly appointed permanent representative to the United Nations office in Geneva. She is, as a result, also ambassador to the World Trade Organisation, the World Health Organisation, the United Nations Environment Programme, the International Labour Organisation, the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development, the International Trade Commission, the United Nations Educations, Scientific and Cultural Organisation in Paris, the Food and Agriculture Organistaion in Rome and the United Nations Industrial Development Organisation in Vienna. She represents our small island in Switzerland, France, Italy and Austria. The speech to which I am referring was given as the keynote speech at the Institute of Cultural Diplomacy in Geneva, on the topic of Cultural Diversity as the Fourth Policy Area of Sustainable Development. I cannot begin to describe how embarrassing and disappointing this speech was. To represent our country in such a negative light in an international setting was the last straw for me.
I cannot find pride in a country that promotes people like Therese Baptiste-Cornelis and Jack Warner in our government. People who are ignorant and thought to be corrupt should not be allowed to represent a small island nation in the international arena. These are the people the world turns to when they want to learn what our twin islands Trinidad and Tobago have to offer. These are the headlines that the world will read. If this and Nicki Minaj are all we have to offer then I am disappointed and ashamed.
My opinion, however, is just that: opinion. I have never been particularly patriotic. I simply do not feel that I have one home as I have lived all over the world. This is one person’s view, simply an individual outlook on the island and the way we present ourselves publicly. Because when one person humiliates us it reflects badly on all of us. So many Trini’s are proud to be Trini: “Trini to de bone” we say. Yet where are they now standing up for their country? So many who live abroad make sure that the world knows they are from Trinidad and Tobago. The island is beautiful, they say, the Carnival is the best in the world. But where will empty compliments get us? The island is deteriorating. The oil is running out. Overpopulation and pollution are not non-existent. Not to mention the crime. As a teenager living there I had next to no freedom; incapacitated by the rampant crime. Yet no one mentions these things when they boast of their Caribbean isle.
I am not saying the island is horrible. I am not saying the people are hypocrites. I am simply saying that there is room for improvement and we will not and cannot improve until we, the people, speak up and do something about it. I believe it is ALWAYS good to be outspoken, as long as you have something the world should hear. Therese Baptiste-Cornelis, on the other hand, should have thought before she spoke.
That being said I cannot deny the beauty and excellence of the small islands. While I am not blind to its negatives there are many aspects of which I am proud. I am proud of the nature in many parts of the island that is still more beautiful than much I have seen in the developed world. I am proud of Carnival, a nation wide celebration of joy and patriotism where your neighbours and your enemies alike are your best friends for two days and all judgment is put aside. I am proud of our Olympians Jehue Gordon, George Bovell, Andrew Lewis and others who have worked hard to achieve their dreams and represent our nation in a very positive light. I am proud of the multiculturalism that Therese Baptiste-Cornelis mispronounced and misrepresented; the celebration of Christmas and Divali equally, of mixed cultures and mixed religions living together in a way I have seen nowhere else in the world.
I am cynical and I am outspoken, but I find things to be proud of.
That being said I have never been ashamed of the beautiful twin island nation… until now.
Recently I heard the heartbreaking news that a man by the name of Jack Warner was made Minister of National Security of our already corrupt and crime-ridden country. Jack Warner, once the Vice President of the worldwide football federation FIFA, was publicly suspended from the club for charges of alleged corruption and bribery in 2011. As such Warner resigned from FIFA before the investigation could be completed and “presumption of innocence is maintained”. Following this the current government of Trinidad and Tobago did not see any problem in appointing him Minister of National Security one year later. I, for one, do not feel safe.
This week I sat through a video 37 minutes long of a speech made by a woman by the name of Therese Baptiste-Cornelis. It took me three days to be able to watch the video in its entirety. This woman is our newly appointed permanent representative to the United Nations office in Geneva. She is, as a result, also ambassador to the World Trade Organisation, the World Health Organisation, the United Nations Environment Programme, the International Labour Organisation, the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development, the International Trade Commission, the United Nations Educations, Scientific and Cultural Organisation in Paris, the Food and Agriculture Organistaion in Rome and the United Nations Industrial Development Organisation in Vienna. She represents our small island in Switzerland, France, Italy and Austria. The speech to which I am referring was given as the keynote speech at the Institute of Cultural Diplomacy in Geneva, on the topic of Cultural Diversity as the Fourth Policy Area of Sustainable Development. I cannot begin to describe how embarrassing and disappointing this speech was. To represent our country in such a negative light in an international setting was the last straw for me.
I cannot find pride in a country that promotes people like Therese Baptiste-Cornelis and Jack Warner in our government. People who are ignorant and thought to be corrupt should not be allowed to represent a small island nation in the international arena. These are the people the world turns to when they want to learn what our twin islands Trinidad and Tobago have to offer. These are the headlines that the world will read. If this and Nicki Minaj are all we have to offer then I am disappointed and ashamed.
My opinion, however, is just that: opinion. I have never been particularly patriotic. I simply do not feel that I have one home as I have lived all over the world. This is one person’s view, simply an individual outlook on the island and the way we present ourselves publicly. Because when one person humiliates us it reflects badly on all of us. So many Trini’s are proud to be Trini: “Trini to de bone” we say. Yet where are they now standing up for their country? So many who live abroad make sure that the world knows they are from Trinidad and Tobago. The island is beautiful, they say, the Carnival is the best in the world. But where will empty compliments get us? The island is deteriorating. The oil is running out. Overpopulation and pollution are not non-existent. Not to mention the crime. As a teenager living there I had next to no freedom; incapacitated by the rampant crime. Yet no one mentions these things when they boast of their Caribbean isle.
I am not saying the island is horrible. I am not saying the people are hypocrites. I am simply saying that there is room for improvement and we will not and cannot improve until we, the people, speak up and do something about it. I believe it is ALWAYS good to be outspoken, as long as you have something the world should hear. Therese Baptiste-Cornelis, on the other hand, should have thought before she spoke.
That being said I cannot deny the beauty and excellence of the small islands. While I am not blind to its negatives there are many aspects of which I am proud. I am proud of the nature in many parts of the island that is still more beautiful than much I have seen in the developed world. I am proud of Carnival, a nation wide celebration of joy and patriotism where your neighbours and your enemies alike are your best friends for two days and all judgment is put aside. I am proud of our Olympians Jehue Gordon, George Bovell, Andrew Lewis and others who have worked hard to achieve their dreams and represent our nation in a very positive light. I am proud of the multiculturalism that Therese Baptiste-Cornelis mispronounced and misrepresented; the celebration of Christmas and Divali equally, of mixed cultures and mixed religions living together in a way I have seen nowhere else in the world.
I am cynical and I am outspoken, but I find things to be proud of.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)