I am not a politician. I have no sway in the ways of the world, and I am considerably uneducated when it comes to the many intricacies of what motivates action and reaction on a global scale.
I am not a survivor. I have been unfathomably fortunate in my life to see and experience the world without major repercussion or fear or danger that others live in on a daily basis.
I am a global citizen. I have been to Beirut. I've walked the streets with my parents, drank in their bars, danced, learned. I have been to Paris. I climbed the steps of the Notre Dame as a child, marveled in the historic museums, ate in their restaurants, loved. I have done this and so much more in fourty five incredible countries that this world has to offer.
I travel because I love our world. I love the cultures: so different they are enlightening, so welcoming they are inspiring. I love the languages: all foreign but somehow all translatable through body language and smiling eyes. I love the food. I love the smells. I love the transformation of a foreign land into something familiar. I love expanding what I think I know about the world and constantly learning more.
This is not a happy post.
I am a global citizen and I am afraid. I have seen so much good in this world. Laughing children in impoverished Africa. Generous hosts in desolate Cambodia. Rescued elephants in rural Thailand. Cultural celebrations at home in Trinidad. I’ve seen open minds and open hearts in every corner of this wide world we inhabit. But I'm afraid that that's not enough.
In light of what has happened not just in Paris but in our world in these past horrific days I am sad and I feel hopeless.
I do not have political opinions or first hand tales of survival. I have feelings. I have feelings that are hard to untangle from my unhappy heart, filter through my frightened mind, and articulate into wise words. I have feelings that are biased, uninformed, and unhelpful. I don't have a suggestion for how to make the world a better place. I don't have encouragement for those who continue on, unaffected by the atrocities that we have all faced. I don't have respect for the people that I am so afraid of. I have feelings. I have fear. Fear that the next victim will be someone I know, someone I love, someone I will never see again. I have sadness. Sadness that so many can say that about people in their lives, not just as a result of the attacks on Friday, but the violence every day. I have confusion. Confusion as to how someone made of the same stardust that binds my bones and pumps my blood can make a conscious and calculated decision to take someone else's life, to devalue another human existence. I have feelings, and none of them are good.
So this is not a happy post. But I will not apologise. Feeling is all that we can do at a time like this. Feeling is what keeps us human, what gives this stardust meaning. Make it worthwhile.
