No one likes to feel replaceable.
But think about how significant it is to leave such a lasting impression that you need to be replaced in the first place.
Some people are just passing through. They come into our lives temporarily and act as place fillers. They are not longed for before they arrive and they are not missed after they go. That is not to say that they are not significant to others, but not everyone can be significant to you.
Yet, some people leave such an impact that there is a gap to fill when they move on. (And everybody moves on). These people do not simply pass through. They appear and make themselves a part of your world, a puzzle piece that completes the picture. And when they go that space, that gaping hole, needs to be filled. This is not a replacement; it is a substitute. Because the next person that fills that space will change it, transform it, make it their own. No one can truly be replaced because each person is significant and every puzzle piece is unique.
We are transient. We come and we go, we ebb and we flow. It’s part of life. If we stayed in the same places in the same roles for our entire lives we would never grow. At some point we have to move on. We have to leave the 6-month internship where you felt invaluable. We have to let go of the two-year relationship that seemed irreplaceable. We’ve got to take a semester abroad for a change of perspective. But learning to leave these things behind is not bad, it’s not sad. Because even though someone else may fill those roles you once held dear does not mean you can or will be replaced. Letting go of those roles leaves space for someone else to learn from what you have experienced, and gives you room to experience and learn more. A new puzzle to fit into.
No one likes to feel replaceable. But no one is easily replaced. We are, each of us, significant in our own way.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Life is short
Life is short.
It’s something that we hear all the time, but how often do we ever really appreciate it? How often do we stop and think about how quickly the last three months, or three years have gone by, and how quickly the next three years will go too. Life is short. It’s a cliché but only because it is true.
Nothing is certain in this life. Time is relative; a week of bliss can feel just as long and be just as significant as a month of depression. Plans are unstable; no matter how much you try to predict and prepare for something in your life there is never a guarantee that things will work out exactly how you want them to. The future is ambiguous. And that’s what makes it so exciting! If we knew everything we were going to do before we did it, if we knew how everything was going to work out we would have no adventures in life, no passion to drive us, no joy in success. Yet, things don’t always work out the way that we hope, and when they don’t it's devastating. Planning and hoping and trying can only get you so far in life. Sometimes the rest is up to fate, up to whatever unknown force there is out there that guides our lives.
Six months from now I could (and probably will) be living in a different country. One week from now I could get struck down by lightning. One year from now I could meet the love of my life and live happily every after or ten years from now I could be a grumpy spinster with six cats living in a shack. Six years from now I WANT to earn a PhD and start my life earning a living in a field I am passionate about. Who the hell knows if that will be the case?!
Life is short, and every day we wake up thinking I wish I could do this or I want that, but then we catch ourselves and let ‘logic’ kick in and talk us out of it.
“I want to buy that pair of shoes that I have wanted for months... But no, I already have a pair very similar and should wait until I have more money to spare.”
“Boy do I want to eat a tub of ice cream and veg out for a day... But wait, I am going to a beach themed party in a couple hours and want to look good in a bikini.”
“Man I really wish I could tell that person how I feel... But what if they don’t reciprocate?”
These are the things we face every day. These are the ‘trivial’ matters that we talk ourselves out of because we let our heads override our hearts.
A wise friend told me that there are two parts to every conscience. There is the human side: the rational, logical, prepared side that measures every out come before we act. And then there is the animal side: the raw, unadulterated, irrational, passionate part that has a desire and fixates on that until the desire is either met or repressed. They are in constant battle with each other. Life is too short to let the human side win!
Sometimes, yes, it really is best to make the safe choice. But sometimes it’s ok - better even! - to make the choice that will make you happy. However fleeting that happiness may be.
Buy that pair of shoes. Eat the damn ice cream. Tell that person how you feel!
It is better to live, and learn from a mistake than to live with regret. Or worse, to always wonder if you would have been happier if you had trusted your gut.
Sometimes you just have to take off your floaties and jump in the deep end. If you’re lucky, you will learn how to swim.
It’s something that we hear all the time, but how often do we ever really appreciate it? How often do we stop and think about how quickly the last three months, or three years have gone by, and how quickly the next three years will go too. Life is short. It’s a cliché but only because it is true.
Nothing is certain in this life. Time is relative; a week of bliss can feel just as long and be just as significant as a month of depression. Plans are unstable; no matter how much you try to predict and prepare for something in your life there is never a guarantee that things will work out exactly how you want them to. The future is ambiguous. And that’s what makes it so exciting! If we knew everything we were going to do before we did it, if we knew how everything was going to work out we would have no adventures in life, no passion to drive us, no joy in success. Yet, things don’t always work out the way that we hope, and when they don’t it's devastating. Planning and hoping and trying can only get you so far in life. Sometimes the rest is up to fate, up to whatever unknown force there is out there that guides our lives.
Six months from now I could (and probably will) be living in a different country. One week from now I could get struck down by lightning. One year from now I could meet the love of my life and live happily every after or ten years from now I could be a grumpy spinster with six cats living in a shack. Six years from now I WANT to earn a PhD and start my life earning a living in a field I am passionate about. Who the hell knows if that will be the case?!
Life is short, and every day we wake up thinking I wish I could do this or I want that, but then we catch ourselves and let ‘logic’ kick in and talk us out of it.
“I want to buy that pair of shoes that I have wanted for months... But no, I already have a pair very similar and should wait until I have more money to spare.”
“Boy do I want to eat a tub of ice cream and veg out for a day... But wait, I am going to a beach themed party in a couple hours and want to look good in a bikini.”
“Man I really wish I could tell that person how I feel... But what if they don’t reciprocate?”
These are the things we face every day. These are the ‘trivial’ matters that we talk ourselves out of because we let our heads override our hearts.
A wise friend told me that there are two parts to every conscience. There is the human side: the rational, logical, prepared side that measures every out come before we act. And then there is the animal side: the raw, unadulterated, irrational, passionate part that has a desire and fixates on that until the desire is either met or repressed. They are in constant battle with each other. Life is too short to let the human side win!
Sometimes, yes, it really is best to make the safe choice. But sometimes it’s ok - better even! - to make the choice that will make you happy. However fleeting that happiness may be.
Buy that pair of shoes. Eat the damn ice cream. Tell that person how you feel!
It is better to live, and learn from a mistake than to live with regret. Or worse, to always wonder if you would have been happier if you had trusted your gut.
Sometimes you just have to take off your floaties and jump in the deep end. If you’re lucky, you will learn how to swim.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Age is not just a number
I have realised that age is not a number. It is a state of mind. It’s a decision that you make, over and over again. And you don’t always choose the same age. You don’t have to.
Some days I feel silly. I want to watch cartoons and drink hot chocolate and lie on the couch whining until my roommate cooks me dinner like my mother used to when I was 5.
Some days I feel like I’m back in high school. I’m 17 again and adolescent tunnel vision convinces me that the one small problem I am facing is the be all and end all of my entire life, and that gossip is fundamental.
Some days I feel older than my years. I’m working in a probation court and the experienced people that I work with tell me that I can have any job I set my sights on once I graduate because I am mature, eloquent, and intelligent.
And some days I just feel 21. Sitting at a bar with my best friend drinking a beer or two and catching up on the last couple weeks.
Age is not a number until you make that number define you or your relationships. I know 21 year olds that still act like children and I know 15 year olds that have grown up much too quickly.
I have grown more in the last two months than I did in the time between my 20th and my 21st birthdays. Years do not make your age; experiences make your age, lessons make your age. YOU choose your age. There is no right or wrong choice.
Some days I feel silly. I want to watch cartoons and drink hot chocolate and lie on the couch whining until my roommate cooks me dinner like my mother used to when I was 5.
Some days I feel like I’m back in high school. I’m 17 again and adolescent tunnel vision convinces me that the one small problem I am facing is the be all and end all of my entire life, and that gossip is fundamental.
Some days I feel older than my years. I’m working in a probation court and the experienced people that I work with tell me that I can have any job I set my sights on once I graduate because I am mature, eloquent, and intelligent.
And some days I just feel 21. Sitting at a bar with my best friend drinking a beer or two and catching up on the last couple weeks.
Age is not a number until you make that number define you or your relationships. I know 21 year olds that still act like children and I know 15 year olds that have grown up much too quickly.
I have grown more in the last two months than I did in the time between my 20th and my 21st birthdays. Years do not make your age; experiences make your age, lessons make your age. YOU choose your age. There is no right or wrong choice.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Size matters
I am five feet, two and a half inches tall. I weigh one hundred and ten pounds. I am a small person. But I am big.
I think the size of a person should not be measured by their height or stature. It should not be measured by physical appearance at all (few things should be). I think the size of a person should be determined by their spirit. By their aspirations, their thoughts and opinions, their views, their dreams. The size of a person should not be determined by how big they are in front of you, but by how much of an impact they leave on you.
I am five feet two and a half inches tall, I weigh one hundred and ten pounds. But I am big.
I have travelled. I have walked some of the oldest streets and seen lively new cities. I have lived in five different countries and I have learned – in and out of a classroom. I have experienced things that no one else has experienced in the same way, and others have experienced many things I never have.
I have dreams. Hopes to one day have a career. Plans to travel more, and travel often. I have goals I aspire to and experiences to leave in my past. I have a past. A road less travelled by, but well travelled by me. Some paths that shaped me and some paths I wish I had never stumbled upon. Those paths shaped me too. I have a past that has made me who I am, and a future that I strive towards.
I have words. I use them when I can but mostly they use me. They flow out of me as midnight ramblings and cross-country musings. They shape me more than I shape them.
I have talents. Some stronger than others and some I am not even aware of yet. I have skills that I can boast of and weaknesses that I try to improve upon. I have faults. Many faults. But my strength is in admitting them.
I have friends. Not everyone may want to be with me, but the friends that I have do. They choose to spend their time with me, choose to trust me with their friendship as I trust them with mine. Some admire me, some want to help me, some barely know me, some love me. Not everyone needs to love me, but the people I care about care about me. For the most part.
I am not saying this to be conceited. I do not wish to paint an elevated picture of myself. I am saying this because I think confidence is important. Focusing on your own strengths is much more productive than tearing yourself down one flaw at a time.
I know people that are medium sized. They think more than they act. They talk about dreams that they do not work towards, they make promises they do not keep.
I know people that are small. They’re narrow minded with simple ambitions. They do not believe in themselves or, sometimes, they believe themselves better than others.
And I know people that are giant. Bigger than their skin, bigger than their past; as large as any dreams that they are working towards.
I have met many people in my short lifetime: it’s the big ones that leave an impact.
Be big.
I think the size of a person should not be measured by their height or stature. It should not be measured by physical appearance at all (few things should be). I think the size of a person should be determined by their spirit. By their aspirations, their thoughts and opinions, their views, their dreams. The size of a person should not be determined by how big they are in front of you, but by how much of an impact they leave on you.
I am five feet two and a half inches tall, I weigh one hundred and ten pounds. But I am big.
I have travelled. I have walked some of the oldest streets and seen lively new cities. I have lived in five different countries and I have learned – in and out of a classroom. I have experienced things that no one else has experienced in the same way, and others have experienced many things I never have.
I have dreams. Hopes to one day have a career. Plans to travel more, and travel often. I have goals I aspire to and experiences to leave in my past. I have a past. A road less travelled by, but well travelled by me. Some paths that shaped me and some paths I wish I had never stumbled upon. Those paths shaped me too. I have a past that has made me who I am, and a future that I strive towards.
I have words. I use them when I can but mostly they use me. They flow out of me as midnight ramblings and cross-country musings. They shape me more than I shape them.
I have talents. Some stronger than others and some I am not even aware of yet. I have skills that I can boast of and weaknesses that I try to improve upon. I have faults. Many faults. But my strength is in admitting them.
I have friends. Not everyone may want to be with me, but the friends that I have do. They choose to spend their time with me, choose to trust me with their friendship as I trust them with mine. Some admire me, some want to help me, some barely know me, some love me. Not everyone needs to love me, but the people I care about care about me. For the most part.
I am not saying this to be conceited. I do not wish to paint an elevated picture of myself. I am saying this because I think confidence is important. Focusing on your own strengths is much more productive than tearing yourself down one flaw at a time.
I know people that are medium sized. They think more than they act. They talk about dreams that they do not work towards, they make promises they do not keep.
I know people that are small. They’re narrow minded with simple ambitions. They do not believe in themselves or, sometimes, they believe themselves better than others.
And I know people that are giant. Bigger than their skin, bigger than their past; as large as any dreams that they are working towards.
I have met many people in my short lifetime: it’s the big ones that leave an impact.
Be big.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Little Things
It’s the little things.
Sometimes you have to stop and think about the small things, the minute details, the every day acts that go unnoticed.
It’s easy to get consumed by the big things – by the heart break, by the abandonment, by the sadness and the stress. Those things consume you; they get in your head and surround you, pull at you from all sides and eat away at you in every spare moment. They fill the empty space in your mind, they become a body that sits with you on the train on the way to work and lies next to you in your big bed that now feels empty. Try to ignore them. It’s hard, but focusing on these demons is no good; they are demanding enough without you actively paying attention to them.
Focus on the little things. The smile from a colleague at work in the middle of a busy day. The feeling of accomplishment when you manage to succeed in something other than focusing on the negative thoughts in your head and your heart. The friends reaching out to you in ways you hadn’t even thought of. The dinner dates and movie nights that keep your mind off of things. The sitting on the couch with your roommate all day on a Sunday and doing absolutely nothing and being perfectly okay with it. It’s the people. The people are big - bigger than the problems. They are hope, they are caring, they are the strength that you lack for the time being. They are the rehab.
Focus on the little things while the big things are focusing on you. Eventually those small moments of happiness will be the big parts of your life again.
Sometimes you have to stop and think about the small things, the minute details, the every day acts that go unnoticed.
It’s easy to get consumed by the big things – by the heart break, by the abandonment, by the sadness and the stress. Those things consume you; they get in your head and surround you, pull at you from all sides and eat away at you in every spare moment. They fill the empty space in your mind, they become a body that sits with you on the train on the way to work and lies next to you in your big bed that now feels empty. Try to ignore them. It’s hard, but focusing on these demons is no good; they are demanding enough without you actively paying attention to them.
Focus on the little things. The smile from a colleague at work in the middle of a busy day. The feeling of accomplishment when you manage to succeed in something other than focusing on the negative thoughts in your head and your heart. The friends reaching out to you in ways you hadn’t even thought of. The dinner dates and movie nights that keep your mind off of things. The sitting on the couch with your roommate all day on a Sunday and doing absolutely nothing and being perfectly okay with it. It’s the people. The people are big - bigger than the problems. They are hope, they are caring, they are the strength that you lack for the time being. They are the rehab.
Focus on the little things while the big things are focusing on you. Eventually those small moments of happiness will be the big parts of your life again.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Dear world...
Dear world, I am not perfect.
I try to be a good friend. I go out of my way for others and I never really ask the same. I bend over backwards because my friends’ happiness is 90% of my happiness (and their troubles are 90% of my troubles). It’s just who I am. I give 100% 100% of the time, but sometimes it still isn’t enough. Sometimes I’m distant or sometimes I need to be a little bit selfish.
I try to be a perfect student. I care about my classes. I study when I have an exam and I do my homework always and to the best of my ability. I write papers like my life depends on it! Yet I am not a straight A student and don’t know how to give any more to my work than I already give.
I try to have my life in order. I worked a summer internship, a campus job for class credit, I stressed about finding a Coop and would not settle for anything but what I thought I deserved. Yet I have never had a paying job so what does that say about my expertise?
I try to be a good girlfriend. But crying to my boyfriend and making my problems his own is not fair to him.
I try to sleep. I wake up, go to class, go to work, do my homework, spend time with friends, and try to find a minute to myself. By then I end up lying in bed at 1 am having a sordid affair with insomnia.
I try to be a good blogger, but sometimes life gets in the way.
I am a good sister. I think. I am a good daughter. I hope. I am good. I try to be good in everything I do. What if trying isn’t enough? I stretch myself too thin and I’m thin enough already.
Dear world, I am not perfect, so please cut me some slack.
I try to be a good friend. I go out of my way for others and I never really ask the same. I bend over backwards because my friends’ happiness is 90% of my happiness (and their troubles are 90% of my troubles). It’s just who I am. I give 100% 100% of the time, but sometimes it still isn’t enough. Sometimes I’m distant or sometimes I need to be a little bit selfish.
I try to be a perfect student. I care about my classes. I study when I have an exam and I do my homework always and to the best of my ability. I write papers like my life depends on it! Yet I am not a straight A student and don’t know how to give any more to my work than I already give.
I try to have my life in order. I worked a summer internship, a campus job for class credit, I stressed about finding a Coop and would not settle for anything but what I thought I deserved. Yet I have never had a paying job so what does that say about my expertise?
I try to be a good girlfriend. But crying to my boyfriend and making my problems his own is not fair to him.
I try to sleep. I wake up, go to class, go to work, do my homework, spend time with friends, and try to find a minute to myself. By then I end up lying in bed at 1 am having a sordid affair with insomnia.
I try to be a good blogger, but sometimes life gets in the way.
I am a good sister. I think. I am a good daughter. I hope. I am good. I try to be good in everything I do. What if trying isn’t enough? I stretch myself too thin and I’m thin enough already.
Dear world, I am not perfect, so please cut me some slack.
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